


Catch My Disease

by SuckaNucka



Category: WALK THE MOON (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-04-27 12:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5048053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuckaNucka/pseuds/SuckaNucka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The high school AU where Nick is in every musical preforming art ever and Kevin is on the lacrosse team and wear ridiculous socks half way up his shins with shorts forvever. Junior year is tough. And to top it all off, Nick develops a commplicated relationship with a boy in his a capella class.<br/>[ON HIATUS]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What I Go To School For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking is hard. Talking to cute boys in your a capella class; even harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big plans for this new series! This is my first real-life chaptered fic! And I've only just started writing fic. Exciting.

When Nicholas Petricca wasn’t arranging his extensive and varied record and cassette collection alphabetically and chronologically, he was playing piano for the jazz band, rehearsing for the spring musical, and studying for his AP Music Theory class. When he wasn’t doing any of those things, he was writing severely misguided songs on his piano about a tenor in his 3rd period acapella class.

  
The boy in his acapella class is on the lacrosse team. He knows this because Eli told him. Despite being in jazz band, Eli was rather popular with really any social group he happened to fall in with for the day, and as a result he had dirt on everyone and everything. He was a trusted confidant of Nick’s despite them never hanging out outside of school events.

  
Besides the fact that he was on the lacrosse team, Nick hardly knew a thing about the boy who sang tenor in his acapella class. He knew that he had green eyes, curly brown hair, and he had a different Nirvana shirt for everyday of the week, but he didn’t know his name, his number, any of his classes, or where he lived. It was difficult to talk to him in class, not that he was unfriendly, but because Mr. Zorski ran a tight ship. While Mr.Z was admittedly his favorite teacher, he also had him for musical theater; he knew what he expected of his pupils. The classrooms no-nonsense environment wasn’t exactly conducive to talking to the mystery boy, and it wasn’t any use to try and talk to him before or after class because he was always the first to leave and the last to arrive.

  
So things were difficult. Between all of his extracurricular activities, Nick didn’t have a whole ton of time to devote to trying to figure out who this guy playing with his heart was. He got by on the small class encounters, and any random factoids Eli told him in between songs at early morning jazz band practice.

  
Where Nick was concerned he wasn’t outrageously popular, but he wasn’t extremely unpopular either. He got along respectably with most people whether or not he actually liked them very much. Nick was just an all-around likeable guy, in more ways than one. Being openly bisexual in a public high school wasn’t the easiest situation, but the way Nick saw it, it could be a lot worse. He had dated girls and hooked up with guys, but Nick had yet to find a boy he connected with emotionally. Despite what people often said there really was a difference dating a girl and dating a guy. So, things could sometimes be complicated when it came to matters of the heart.

  
What was truly complicated, however, was Nick’s schedule. For Nick the sun rose at 5 am. Jazz band practice started at 6 am and went through first period. After that the rest of his day was a slew of AP classes broken up by acapella choir and musical theatre. After school he might have any combination of after school rehearsals, choir concerts, or jazz competitions. And then there was always homework.

  
It wasn’t really surprising when Nick had slept through a good two thirds of Jazz band one Tuesday morning. Unfortunately, Mr. Major was not merciful. No, if anything, Mr. Major was two things, overly conscious of his looks, and overly critical of others. He had the Aryan good looks to be a Nazi model.

  
“Tardy. Detention, Petricca. 2 weeks.” Nick had barley stumbled in the door when his instructor delivered his sentence.  
“Uhh…” Nick hadn’t even begun to postulate an excuse, not that there was one that could save him from Mr. Major’s wrath.  
“If you argue, I’ll make it Saturdays too.”  
“ _Oh my god,_ ” Nick whispered to Eli, “What crawled up his ass and died?”  
Eli snickered, but was quickly silenced by Mr. Major’s ice cold glare.

At the signal of the last bell, Nick dragged himself to the chemistry lab for the start of his 2 week sentence. Lucky for him the only after school activity he had was a weekend choir concert and a jazz competition that Mr. Major would no doubt pluck him from his cell for. Resigned to his fate of boring detention, Nick signed in and took a seat at the back. At the very least, he thought, this will give me some song writing time.

At this time, Kevin Ray shuffled in as well. When Kevin saw Nick Petricca sitting in the back row, it no longer mattered to him whether or not he had deserved the detention he got. He had been harboring secret feelings since February of their sophomore year when he saw Nick singing in the choir’s Valentine’s day concert. Kevin joined A Capella choir the next year.

Making acapella choir was the easy part. Talking to Nick was a whole other ball game. He was so goddamn popular, he was always talking to someone. But he wasn’t now. Kevin scribbled his name down on the sign in sheet and scurried to the table next to Nick.

_Bang. Crash._

Kevin’s shin met the leg of the table; Nick’s blue eyes met green ones framed by rosy cheeks. There was a painful silence.

 _Holee shit_. Nick thought. _It was him._


	2. Here We Go Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just really awkward to get a ride home from someone you barely know. Then factor in that it's the boy you've been crushing on for 5ever and he's making you skip detention and there are so many moving parts!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! I'm going to try and keep a theme of songs/lyrics as chapter titles. This chapter's song is Animal by Neon Trees. Comments are so loved and I'm glad this fic has recieved so great reception! I honestly wasn't sure how it would go...

“…Dammit…” Kevin sighed under his breath.

“Are you okay?” Nick blinked.

"Uh, Yeah. I think so. Just a bruise maybe," Kevin laughed and took a seat next to Nick. "I'm Kevin, by the way."

Kevin. Now all his awful, sickeningly-romantic daydreams had a name to go with the face. Nick stared a little too long.

"Oh, right. I'm Nick." Nick prayed to God his face didn't look as red as it felt. But his own insecurity was calmed seeing Kevin’s ears tinged red as well. "You're in my A Capella class, right?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, I sing second tenor-“

Before Kevin could complete his thought, Mrs. Jameson from the counseling office marched in and began laying down the law of the land. Her smile looked like she'd just killed someone for fun. After she left, Kevin turned to Nick, "Do you wanna get out of here?"

"We can't leave...Can we?" Nick wasn't following.

"Oh, I guess you've never had Jameson for detention, right? She usually goes to take a nap. As long as we're back before 5... we're in the clear. So what do you say?" Kevin rose from his seat.

"I say...Yes." Nick stood and their eyes were almost level. Nick had never seen someone with ACTUAL green eyes. These weren't some hazel counterfeit green. No, his eyes looked like bronze.

Nick followed Kevin out to his car, a black pick up truck. He was seeing stars. He couldn’t believe that short of 20 minutes of finally learning mystery boy’s name, he was in his car going to--

“Nick? Yes or no?”

“Huh? What?” Nick’s daydream fell apart as he remembered where he was. Kevin was giving him a weird look.

“I said, can we go to your house? My dad still thinks I started that fight at the football game and he’ll flip if he sees I’m not in detention.”

Nick wished he could disappear into his seat. “Yeah...That would be fine. No one is home right now. I think.” Nick stuttered. “Do you know where the ball park is?” He began directing Kevin to his home.

“So, there was a fight at the football game? That you started?” Nick asked, trying to get the conversation onto something more interesting that his home address. It hadn’t occurred to him that Kevin might actually have a reason to be in detention other than to sweep him off his feet.

“Like I said, I didn’t start it. Scott started it. And yeah, there was a fight at the football game. Do you even go to this school?”

“Sorry I don’t really follow sports...I’m more into the preforming arts, actually.” Nick smiled.

“And you’re pretentious too!?” Kevin gasped. “You really are the complete package.”

“Oh shut up...” Nick rolled his eyes. Kevin laughed. He has a really cute laugh, Nick thought, and Oh, God, that smile.

“I’m just kidding. I really enjoyed your performance at the Valentine’s day concert last year. This is really lame, but it kind of inspired me.” Kevin laughed nervously. “I thought, I wanna sing like that. So I joined a capella on a whim.” Kevin’s ears were glowing red again.

As Kevin spoke those words, the biggest grin plastered itself across Nick’s face. Kevin couldn’t seem to stop looking at his giant dimples, which at that point were a mile deep.

“You passed my house.” was all Nick could manage, trying not to smile harder than he already was.


	3. A Day Dream Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kevin is smooth af and Nick is hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of ideas right now so the chapters are coming pretty easily, ya kno? Expect another 3 chapters coming fairly regularly...After that, we'll see because I haven't planned farther ahead than that. I have really appreciated the support that i have been getting for this sill au! I thought it was just a dumb idea but I decided to write it anyway for my sake. I had no idea others would be interested in it too!!! The song for this chapter is A Daydream Away by All Time Low. #bless.  
> "I wish you could see your face right now  
> 'Cause you're grinning like a fool  
> And we're sitting on your kitchen floor  
> On a Tuesday afternoon  
> It doesn't matter when we get back  
> To doing what we do  
> 'Cause right now could last forever  
> Just as long as I'm with you"

“Well, here we are, home sweet home.” Nick said presenting his room to Kevin. “Sorry it’s such a mess...”

The walls were blue and the carpet was gray. Well, what you could see of the carpet and walls anyway. The walls were covered in posters. Some were bands and artists like Radiohead, The Talking Heads, David Bowie, Elton John, and Dexy’s Midnight Runners. Other posters included musicals and classic artists like John Coltrane and Woody Guthrie, as well as a giant poster of a fox above Nick’s bed. On the floor were scattered red and yellow crates, surrounded by hundreds of records. Kevin was sure that if he asked for any record Nick would pluck it from its specific spot on the floor effortlessly. But what really caught Kevin’s attention was a beat up classical in the corner by the window seat.

Daintily stepping over the records and picking up the guitar, Kevin asked, “You play guitar?”

“Oh,” Nick laughed, “Not really. I mean, sort of. I’m trying to learn...But I’ve been struggling to make any real progress.” Nick took a seat on the bed. “It’s dumb...but I have this dream of mastering every instrument.”

“I don’t think it’s dumb.” Kevin said softly, sitting to Nick’s left, the guitar still in hand. “The only musical experience I have is singing to my guitar in my room.” Nick looked away because he thought Kevin was coming onto him and he didn’t want him to see the hope in his eyes if he wasn’t.

“Here, I’ll help you,” before Nick could say something, Kevin had scooted right up against him, setting the guitar in his lap. “Put your fingers here,” Kevin cupped his hand over Nick’s, guiding his fingertips to the correct frets, forming a chord. “Now,” Kevin continued, “hold that while I do this.” Slowly Kevin slipped his other arm behind Nick and around his neck, trying to give him every chance to object before he began lightly strumming the guitar. A small smile appeared on Nick’s face.

 _Smooth, Ray._ Kevin thought to himself.

Kevin repositioned Nick’s fingers into a new chord. While Nick’s eyes were fixed on the fret board with intense concentration, Kevin counted the freckles on his face, following their milky-way pattern down his neck. Kevin wondered if Nick had freckles all the way down his shoulders and back. He wondered what it would be like to kiss that neck.

Kevin was startled by Nick moving beside him, he almost started to panic that Nick had seen him staring, but it was just Nick readjusting his hand. Relinquishing his sort-of guitar embrace Kevin awkwardly set his hand in his lap. Nick’s stomach growled in the perfect silence.Kevin giggled and Nick’s cheeks got very rosy. 

“Uh, this is great, but as you may have noticed I’m getting kind of hungry. Do you wanna come down stairs and get something to eat?”

Kevin laughed. “Yeah! I’m starving!” _Just not exactly for food._

After Nick almost burned down the house trying to cook grilled cheese sandwiches, (Kevin was very distracting,) the two ordered pizza. After their food arrived, they went up to Nick’s room again and spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the floor listening to records and talking like they’d known each other all their lives. They were having such a good time they almost didn’t make it back in time for the end of detention. Which, would have earned them more detention. Kevin wouldn’t mind that, and truthfully, neither would Nick.


	4. Cold Cold Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin invites Nick to a party over the break, however, Kevin's insecurites and secrets get him in hot water with Nick.

Nick’s two week sentence was almost over and he couldn’t be sadder. Sleeping in and missing Jazz Band had turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to him. He and Kevin had been hanging out every day. Skipping detention and crashing in Nick’s room had become their after school ritual.

            Through their daily hang-outs, he and Kevin had bonded over music and Nick’s guitar skills had improved significantly over the last 14 days with Kevin’s tutoring. That wasn’t the only development. Nick was becoming increasingly suspicious that Kevin wasn’t entirely straight. It was tiny things like catching Kevin staring at him, and not just into space. No, there seemed to be some desire in those green eyes. And of course there were the guitar lessons that were unlike any other musical lesson he had had before. (Well, minus that one.) Still, Nick wasn’t ready to put all his eggs one basket. The last time he did that, things ended poorly, and though it was due to circumstance, the heartbreak was painful enough to be a reminder.

            Any of Nick’s attempts to discover Kevin’s sexuality without straight up asking him, no pun intended, yielded no fruit. Even Eli knew nothing that was helpful, and yet there was some rumor floating around that he had hooked up with a guitarist at a battle of the bands competition last spring. But that was just a rumor.

            Completely beside himself, Nick decided to stop trying and just see where things went. Over thinking hadn’t done him any favors yet anyway.

            “Are you free this weekend?” It was the last afternoon of their detention sentence when Kevin asked. They were doing what they always did: lying on Nick’s bedroom floor, looking at the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling, listening to a record, the record player at their head and records scattered all around them.

“Maybe,” Nick said coyly. He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow to look at Kevin. “Why?”

            “Weeell,” Kevin paused like he was considering his words carefully. “You see...Hayley Williams is throwing a party over break and well, I’d really like it if you came...”

            “That depends, when is it?” Nick knew he didn’t have plans, and even if he did, he would simply cancel them. He just enjoyed torturing Kevin.

            “Friday at 10.” Kevin says almost in one breath.

            “I’ll see if I can stop by.”

\-----

            It was 11:27 p.m. on Friday night and Kevin was going to lose his mind. Nick still wasn’t here. “’I’ll see if I can stop by?’ _What does that even mean?_ ” Kevin grumbled to himself, pouring another cup of high school party brand cheap beer.

            “You sound like a crazy man, and it’s not doing anything for your already sad appearance,” Josh took the cup from his hand and took a sip. “Also, this is mine now. You have serious problems with stress drinking.” Josh was one of Kevin’s close friends, and the only openly gay guy on the lacrosse team. Besides Sean, Kevin’s best friend since their stint in 7th grade biology, Josh and his boyfriend Tyler were the only people he was out to.

            “Hey Kev, where’s your boy? Are we ever going to find out if he’s real or not?” Tyler happened to walk up then.

            “ _I don’t know_.” he said through gritted teeth. “And for your information, he _is_ real.”

            “And he’s here.”

            Kevin swiveled around so fast he almost knocked what was once his cup out of Josh’s hand. There in front of him was boy almighty, Nick Petricca. And a friend.

            “Oh, hi.” Kevin’s face was red and he felt incredibly self-conscious. “Who is this?” He tried to sound chipper and not at all distressed that Nick had come to the party with another, older, guy. His voice cracked.

            “This is Andrew; he’s a good friend of mine who is in town for the break. He’s studying music at West Canyon University right now.” Nick said. His friend seemed innocent enough, tall blonde, and blue eyed. “Hey, you’re Kevin, right? I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to meet you.” The out-reached hand and crooked smiled did little to calm Kevin’s guard hairs, but he decided to trust Nick.

            Kevin shook his hand out of politeness. Josh gave Kevin a hard jab in the ribs. “Oh, and these two hooligans are my friends Tyler and Josh. Please excuse their ridiculous appearance, they always look like this.”

            “Hey!!” Josh cried and Tyler shot Kevin a glare.

            After some awkward obligatory post-introduction conversations, Hayley, the hostess and a senior, came over and greeted Andrew with a big hug. They got off on their own conversation and Tyler and Josh wandered off out of boredom. This left Nick and Kevin plenty of time to talk.

            “You came.” Kevin grinned. “I was starting to worry...”

            “Yeah, sorry about that,” Nick apologized. “I was on my way over and Andy called saying he was in town and I couldn’t just leave him on his own...”

            “I’m just glad you’re here.” Kevin smiled at the ground. “So how do you and Andrew know each other?”

            “Jazz band. He graduated last year.” Nick didn’t elaborate and Kevin took it as a cue that it was better not to ask about it.

            “Well do you think he’ll be fine if we leave him on his own and go get some drinks?” Kevin raised an eyebrow, signaling to Hayley and Andrew who were deep in a walk down memory lane.

            “Yeah, I think so.” Nick said flirtatiously.

            “Right this way,” Kevin declared, resting a hand on the small of his back.

            _He’s so gay._ Nick’s shoulder angel thought. _Dream on,_ his shoulder devil countered.

\----

Things were going smoothly with Nick, and Andy seemed less and less a threat as the night went on. But sometime between midnight and 1 a.m. Josh decided it was the perfect time to start a game of spin the bottle. Kevin was buzzed enough to stupidly agree to this.

All was well for approximately two seconds.

The bottle stopped to Kevin’s right. Nick. All at once his wildest dreams and worst nightmares had come true. It had been his wet dream for months to kiss Nick. And though the circumstances weren’t ideal for everything Kevin had wanted their first kiss to be, there was something else. There were people there at that party, people on his lacrosse team. People who _didn’t know_ , people who _couldn’t_ know.

            Nick bit his lip and began to lean in. Kevin turned away sharply, as if Nick were his great aunt. “Pass!” He blurted.

            Before he could look at Nick he grabbed his cup and took a giant swig. The alcohol’s sting was nothing in comparison to the sound of Nick’s glass heart hitting the floor. Kevin didn’t have to look at Nick. He heard it shatter.

            Nick was next. He spun the old Coke bottle so hard Kevin thought it might break. The bottle spun short of an eternity, finally turning to Andrew.

            Nick smirked in a painful way. Andrew didn’t waste any time. When Andrew’s lips crashed with Nick’s, Kevin’s stomach dropped like an elevator. As Nick and Andrew’s hands settled into familiar places, Kevin felt a lump rising in his throat. The way they moved together said more about their history that Nick could ever bear to tell Kevin. The kiss definitely lasted longer than necessary for spin the bottle, but short enough no one noticed. Except Kevin. Finally detaching themselves from each other, Andrew whispered something in Nick’s ear. Nick looked straight at Kevin. Kevin looked straight at Nick. Something moved behind the eyes.

            Somewhere between the second and third round, Nick got up to go to the bathroom. Kevin tried to be as nonchalant as possible, though exactly what he was trying to accomplish with that is unclear. Eventually the game gave way to drunken attention spans and dispersed. But Nick had still not come back. Kevin spent the next half hour searching for Nick, half hoping he was merely passed out somewhere, praying he wasn’t passed out somewhere with Andrew (who had also since disappeared.)

            _Who was that guy anyway?_ Kevin griped. _How dare he come in here with his tall, handsome good looks. And how did he and Nick_ really _know each other because it clearly wasn’t from Jazz Band._

            By the time that Kevin found Nick, most everyone else at the party had either passed out or had the presence of mind to charter a ride home. He found Nick on the back porch talking with Andrew, visibly upset. Andrew nodded sympathetically, occasionally inserting a few words here and there.

            Taking a deep breath Kevin opened the back door and stepped outside into the cool October night.

            “Hey, Nick, can we talk?”

            Nick turned around, visibly startled. “Actually, Andrew and I were just leaving.” Nick stood. Andrew looked from Nick to Kevin and shrugged helplessly.

            “Bye,” Kevin said softly as they stepped past him through the threshold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh you've done it now Kev!! Will he be able to come back from this??? Maybe???  
> This chapter took a lot longer to write and to be honest it was hard to write. And sad. Sorry. But it was neccesary. It was fun to play with some other characters too! I actually have this whole back story of Andrew and Nick. Maybe they'll get a prequel. But probably not. The song for this chapter is Cold Cold Man by Saint Motel. By the way...The title song for this fic, is Catch my Disease by Ben Lee. (: Oh! And Happy Halloween!


	5. Tiger Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin finds himself at the mercy of Nick and the kindness of a stranger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this took a while. I've been really incredibly ill these last few days and I've been to the doctor twice in the last week. Turns out I somehow (?) became severly anemic, though they aren't sure why or how bc it happened in like less than a week. Oh well. LIVE YOUR LIFE DAY BY DAY. <3 The worst of it seems to be over, hopefully, and today was the first day I've felt well enough to do anything other than sleep. Not really sure what happened, but at some point things just took and I got inspired. So, here we go. The song-title of this chapter is Tiger Teeth, obviously. I really appreciate all your kind messages, I read and save every one! Y'all are so nice.

For the rest of Fall Break, Kevin didn’t hear anything from Nick. When he called his house he didn’t pick up. At school on Monday, Nick wouldn’t give Kevin the time of day. When Kevin called after him in the halls Nick put in his headphones and kept walking.

For Kevin, it was cold and lonely in Siberia. He didn’t have to wonder _what_ Nick was mad about, he knew. It was about the kiss. Or rather lack thereof. But Nick just wouldn’t give him the chance to explain himself. Eager to plead his case, Kevin get to school early, earlier than Jazz band started. When Nick pulled into the school parking lot at twilight, Kevin ran to his station wagon and jumped in the passenger seat.

Nick groaned, rolling his eyes so hard Kevin feared he might pull a muscle.

“Nick, let me explain!”

“There’s nothing to explain Kevin! I got your message loud and clear! You’re not into me!” Nick’s voice cracked. For the first time Kevin recognized the exhaustion in his voice. He noticed the dark circles under his eyes just in time to see Nick’s eyes begin to water. _Has he been losing sleep over me?_

Before Kevin could register, the car door slammed and Nick was gone.

“Nick!!! Wait!!” Kevin screamed fumbling for the door, almost falling out of the car. Nick marched across the parking lot defiantly, responding with only a single finger. Nick disappeared behind the heavy double doors of the band room.

“Goddammit!” The first syllable is a whisper and the second and third become an increasingly loud scream. Kevin slammed his hands on the frame of the door, the cold metal stinging his palms.

\----

The stalemate continued for 4 more days, because that’s how long it took Eli to find Kevin.

It was a cloudy mid-October afternoon. The colors were in full swing and Kevin sat alone at lunch, favoring the solitude of the bleachers for a crowded circle of chairs in the orchestra room with Sean and the rest of the drum line. At the moment he would much rather be alone. That, and the orchestra room was next to the band room.

Over the last 4 days he had a lot of time to think. He thinks of Nick’s head in his hands at the party on the back porch with Andrew. He thinks of how he almost made Nick cry in the school parking lot that morning. He thinks about how Nick’s dimples aren’t dimples anymore when he isn’t smiling. He thinks about how he let his fear screw over the best thing he ever had like a coward.

But mostly Kevin thinks that even if they somehow figured this out, Nick will never love him as much as he could because he will always see Kevin sitting on the floor at a party playing spin the bottle saying _pass._

Deep in thought, Kevin was visibly startled and annoyed when he heard a thud. A boy with messy brown hair and big brown eyes planted himself next to Kevin. Kevin gave him a dirty scowl.

“Don’t even try telling me you’re saving this for someone.” The boy in the black jacket said forcefully, looking down the empty aisles of bleachers.

“Who the hell are you?” Kevin asked.

“That’s not important. All you need to know is that I’m a friend of Nicks and I’m here to help you.” Kevin raised and eyebrow quizzically. “How do you know who I am? And how do you know about Nick--”

Eli held a hand up. “ _Do you want my help or not?”_ Kevin became silent and serious.

“You really hurt Nick.” Kevin sighed and opened his mouth to reply, but was shocked into silence by what the mystery love guru said next. Speaking a mile a minute he continued, “Nick loves you. I mean, he is completely enamored with you. I would know, I’ve had to listen to all of his sickening daydreams about you. I mean, this kid wrote Taylor Swift quality love songs about the colors in your eyes and he once claimed your smile could end wars. And you **crushed** him. At first I couldn’t believe how you could lead him on like that...But I saw you guys in the parking lot this morning and well, something tells me you love him too--Is that true?” Eli gasps out the last sentence.

Kevin nods weakly before letting out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “He makes me feel like I could do anything. When I’m with him, I feel like I could lift a car.”

Eli let out a long sigh. “Well, lover boy, you better go tell him.”

“But he won’t talk to me--”

“Actually, he will. For a limited time offer, I convinced Nick to listen to you, but you have to go _NOW.”_ Eli said matter-of-factly, his eyebrows accentuating the ‘ _now_.’

“What?” Kevin was so confused. _Who was this guy?_

“Go!” Eli prodded him. “He’s in a practice room right now!” Eli pointed in the direction of the band room. Kevin got to his feet with little grace and bolted down the bleachers two at a time. He wasn’t sure what he should expect when he got to the band room, but if this crazy guy was telling the truth he had to try.

\----

By the time Kevin arrived in the band room, a mostly unfamiliar and foreign territory to him, his heart was pumping acid. Taking several deep breaths, Kevin took a look around the spacious white and gray room attempting to locate what and where a practice room might be. Kevin scanned the carpeted room, there were trophies in the windows, on the floor were a few instrument cases left along the edges of walls. Also lining the walls and some other small circles of the room were groups of band students working on homework or laughing. Members of color guard were playing a trashy pop song while practicing their spinning and tossing. Along a far wall were several small rooms with a glass window looking into each. in one room a girl with chin length brown hair concentrated intently on the notes she was playing sitting at a beat up piano. In another room was Nick with his head bowed at the piano, fingering keys and scribbling in a brown notebook on the music stand of the piano.

Kevin walked across the room, to the practice room, painfully aware of how out of place he was. If his clothing were any indication it would have been the socks half way up his shins and the shorts he wore rain or shine.

Creeping to the door warily, Kevin gently turned the handle. He had only opened it a crack when he stopped. A sad, tentative piano melody filled his ears as Nick’s fingers fumbled with the keys. And then in a voice like a prayer, Nick began to sing softly;

_“If you come around, come around again_

_You better not come in, better stay outside_

_Cause I can't hold my ground, can't hold my ground I can't_

_Not if you look me in, look me in my eyes”_

Kevin sucked in a breath through his teeth. He had known Nick to be a very talented musician, but this was the first time hearing any of his original work. Even his fumblings on the piano were humbling. As Nick continued, however, it became clear _who_ Nick’s song was about.

_“Don't you call me on the telephone_

_Don't make plans with my friends_

_I think that it's best for you to leave me alone_

_When I'm with you I just want to play pretend”_

When the music stopped Kevin felt completely gutted. Kevin cracked the door open a little more and knocks softly. “Hi,” he says, his voice sounding cracked and decidedly weird. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Nick says quietly, turning to his beat up leather notebook, closing it and tucking it in his bag. He turned back around to face the wall behind him where Kevin had slumped to the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest. Slowly Nick leans over and shuts the door behind him.

At first there is silence. It’s not awkward, but it’s not comfortable either. Regretful. As Kevin struggles to find his words, Nick struggles to stay angry with him, watching him fidget.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Kevin finally spoke. He paused, waiting for Nick to refute him. Nick looked down through his dark eye lashes and his jaw tightened. “I...” Kevin took a moment to consider what he was about to say. “I like you a lot. I just got scared because I’ve only recently just come out as bisexual to very few people and I panicked. I was so concerned about myself that I didn’t consider how it would hurt you...”

Nick looked at Kevin with more empathy than he had when he first entered the room. He remembered being scared and he remembered lying about who he really liked. “Anyway, I’m just...I’m not here to win you back.” Nick frowned, but Kevin continued. “I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I’m sorry.”

Kevin is about to get up when Nick crosses the space between them and kneels next to Kevin on the ground. “I didn’t know.”

And then Nick’s arms are around his neck embracing him and it’s all Kevin can do to hold him back. He closes his eyes because he wants to memorize the way Nick’s arms around him make him feel like he is free falling and safely in a warm bed under several blankets, all at once.

_Amazing grace,_ Kevin thinks.


	6. Tonight You're Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin's got plans. Incredibly sickenly romantic plans.

Nick Petricca was more twitterpated than ever. It had been over a week since Nick had last seen Kevin; he had just been so incredibly busy with rehearsals for the school’s fall play, Julius Caesar. But that didn’t stop him from thinking about him every second of every single day.

            It was opening night of the play and Nick had just finished the first act. Nick sprinted back stage through the sea of flustered thespians and members of stage crew. He started working the buttons on his shirt before he even made it all the way back to his changing room.

            “Hey Nick, someone left you this in the dressing room,” his costar informed him as he entered, indicating an envelope on the counter in front of the mirror. Nick raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

            “Hmm? What’s this?” Nick picked up the yellow envelope addressed to him in all capital letters. Nick ripped into the envelope with certain giddiness like unto a child ripping into their birthday presents. Giggling, he pulled out the blue piece of paper and read aloud,

            “NICK:

                        Meet me in the north parking lot after curtain call for the getaway.

            - KEV”

            Nick’s mind raced faster than his heart. As soon as the curtains closed for the night he didn’t wait around to hug his cast mates or engage in any post-opening night rituals. He sprinted backstage to change. Nick rubbed the stage makeup off with enough speed to rub his face raw, but he didn’t care.

            Grabbing his bag and jacket, Nick sprinted through the empty dark halls to the north parking lot. Bursting through the double doors into the cool night Nick’s wild blue eyes quickly landed on the one person in the parking lot. Standing alone next to his truck was Kevin, wearing actual pants and not shorts, holding a bouquet of roses and grinning wide.

            Nick ran full speed, no stop, into Kevin. Hugging tightly chest to chest, Kevin swung Nick around, breathing in his scent. Setting him down Kevin handed the thorny bouquet to Nick. “These are for you. You were amazing out there.” Nicks looked like Christmas morning with freckles. Giggling with unparalleled joy, Nick hugged Kevin again, this time his spindly legs hooking around Kevin’s hips.

            “Oh geez,” Kevin grunted, his hands instinctively grabbing at Nick’s thighs so he wouldn’t fall on his ass to the asphalt. Clearing his throat Kevin quickly set Nick down, afraid that he might catch onto his pants growing tighter.

            “Well, shall we get going?” Kevin walked briskly over to the passenger side of the car to open the door for Nick, his voice half an octave higher.

            “Where we going?” Nick skipped over to the other side of the car, completely unaware of the internal turmoil he’d just caused.

            “It’s a surprise,” Kevin smiled, both at Nick and at himself in anticipation for the night he had planned.

            The radio played softly as they drove. Nick remembers every detail of that night drive. The way the fickle street lights spread far and few between or rural country roads washed over Kevin, painting him in golden yellows and dark blues. Nick remembers turning on a long forested road driving through rolling hills and eventually into a small canyon. Nick even remembered the song playing on the radio: Landslide as covered by The Smashing Pumpkins, on some crackling local alternative station.

            They weren’t on the road for long when Kevin casually left his hand to sit on the bench seat in between them. Nick noticed. Perfectly in time with the curvy movement of the canyon road Nick hooked his little finger into Kevin’s, pulling his hand into his. “Next time you want to hold my hand, just ask.” Nick said softly with a tiny giggle at the end. Kevin bit his lip, smiling. He never took his eyes off the road. Nick felt Kevin squeeze his hand.

            Eventually, after 20 minutes in awkward hand squeezing bliss they came down a small hill and into a beautiful lake nestled in the middle of a crown of mountains. However Kevin continued driving beyond the completely empty parking lot of the peaceful lake onto a gravel road and into some woods. Kevin pulled into the middle of a clearing of trees and parked.

            Without a word, and much to Nick’s curiosity, Kevin hopped out of the truck and pulled some blankets from the back seat. “You coming?” he asked. Nick jumped out of the car and followed Kevin to the bed of the truck, where he had climbed up, setting out several layers of blankets.

            “Are you planning on bedding me tonight...?” Nick raised an eyebrow.

            Kevin stopped and turned to him. “Uh, no.”

            Nick was disappointed and intrigued.

            Once Kevin finished setting the scene, he walked to the edge of the truck and held out both hands to Nick. “C’mon up here. I wanna show you somethin’.”Nick took both of his hands with a crooked smile. Kevin Ray was totally giving him butterflies right at this very moment.

            Kevin lay down, patting the spot next to him expectantly. Nick joined him, shoulder to shoulder. “Look.” Kevin said simply, pointing to the sky. Above them were the entire heavens on display.

            “Stars.” Nick smiled.

            “Yes...but look again,” Kevin said.

            Looking from Kevin to the skies, Nick looked long and hard, studying the constellations. Then Nick saw a flashing twinkle. First one, then another and another. Soon they filled the sky like shards of tiny sparkling glass. “It’s the Orion meteor shower.” Kevin said proudly. _Nerd._ Nick thought. Slowly Kevin wrapped an arm around Nick, pulling him closer, taking in the look on his face. “ _That’s how you make me feel,_ ” Kevin whispered in his ear.

            Something deep in Nick’s chest began to thaw. He shivered at the sensation of Kevin’s mouth on his ear. Nick nestled his head into the crook of Kevin’s neck. Nick wanted to stay right there watching the sky with Kevin. He thought he might like to stay there until the sun swallows the earth and there was nothing but silence and stars.

            “Kevin?”

            “Yeah?” Nick rolled onto his side until he and Kevin were both nose to nose. Kevin could see only 3 things; the freckle on Nick’s left cheek, meteors raining in the sky out of the corner of his eye, and the blurry watercolor shape of Nick in the dark.

            “This is how you make me feel.” Nick softly pressed his lips to his. Kevin’s lips were slightly chapped, but warm and soft. Kevin returned the kiss softly at first, then one of his hands then moving to the spot where Nick’s neck and the base of his skull met, he deepened the kiss slowly enough to almost be painful. Kevin slid his tongue over the Nick’s bottom lip. Opening his mouth slightly, goosebumps raised from the back of his neck to his arms. With every slow slide of their lips they tipped over a precipice.

            Lazily Nick rolled onto Kevin. With Nick on top of him, Kevin couldn’t tell up from down if you put a gun to his head. Nick’s hands moved at either side of his face. Kevin shivered against the touch of Nick’s fingertips ghosting over the contours of his face, ending in a firm grip of his curly brown hair. Kevin broke the kiss only to let out a shaky sigh. Nick leaned back. Everything in Kevin’s field of vision was Nick and the night sky. Nick smiled that crooked grin and with his hands tightly on Kevin’s collar bone, he kissed him again and again, pulling Kevin deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole between there and now.

            “ _You’re perfect,_ ” Kevin sighed against Nick’s mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AWWWW. I've been wanting to write this chapter from the begining. like honestly. I wrote this entire fic to write this chapter. ALSO THAT WAS LIKE THE FIRST LEGIT KISS SCENE IVE EVER WRITTEN AND IDK I'M RLY PROUD OF IT. PRAISE ME.  
> also  
> this chapter baiscally had a playlist  
> \+ maps for the get away by andrew mcmahon in the wilderness  
> \+ fixin' by walk the moon  
> \+ tranatlanticism by death cab for cutie  
> \+ i know places covered by vance joy  
> \+ tonight you're perfect by new politics <3


	7. Fake You Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beginnings, beginnings, beginnings. (and complications)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took for friggin ever and a year. I am still sick, which has really tanked my creativity. After a few weeks I manged to choke out this chapter in spite of some nasty writers block. Hopefully more ideas will come soon! Well, I have ideas. I'm just not sure how to execute them, hah...hah haha  
> Also: WARNING FOR HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE IN THIS CHAPTER

The following weeks from that first starry night had been absolute tunnel vision. In these early stages their relationship was mostly confined to secret glances, bedroom floors, and the backseats of cars. Nick and Kevin were always focused on the next time they could see each other.   
Often there were times Nick would casually bump into Kevin in the halls. To anyone who wasn’t watching there wasn’t anything to see. But if you were Eli or Sean you would see Nick intertwine his pinky in the tiniest way into Kevin’s, and you would see Kevin bite his lip the tiniest bit in return.  
In Kevin’s mind, he didn’t mind the secrecy at all, it added to the intrigue. Nick, however, found it despairingly difficult to keep his hands off of Kevin. It didn’t really matter to him what they did, he just wanted to be with Kevin. For Nick loving Kevin was like climbing a tree; he just wanted to get higher and higher, with no though of how he would get down-- or what would happen if he fell.  
Kevin was still easing into the relationship, little by little letting Nick pull him deeper and deeper. In all honesty, Kevin was terrified. There were so many moving parts to this. But Nick made him feel almost fearless.   
There were things Kevin would never quite get used to, such as the way Nick could pull him behind a corner at any moment and steal his breath with a kiss or the incredible grace with which Nick seemed handled life and all of it’s impossible variables. Kevin couldn’t tell if Nick was really that optimistic or if he still had yet to be crushed by the tremendous weight of the world.   
Either way Kevin was stuck on his that smile could shelter the homeless with it’s sheer sincerity and warmth. There was nothing else in Kevin’s whole world. Nick was it.  
Surely he could live without him if he had to.  
But he didn’t want to have to.

It was now mid-November and the weather had taken a sudden turn for the frigid. But the cold weather wasn’t going to stop Nick from meeting Kevin by the bleachers during lunch. Nick shivered against Kevin’s cold hand on his neck. When did they become the stereotypical teenage couple kissing under the bleachers in the dirt and forgotten trash of last Friday nights lights?  
“Missed ya,” Kevin said in between pecks, wrapping his arms around Nick’s neck.  
“Missed you too, dummy.” Nick’s finger tips danced at the dip of Kevin’s back. Kevin bit his lip. He opened his mouth to say something, but jumped at shout from the field. Kevin hastily let go of Nick, frantically looking around for the source of the voice.  
“What’s wrong?”Nick said with concern.  
Kevin sighed and looked away. “It’s not you or anything you’ve done.” Kevin sighed again but with more frustration. “I’m just afraid.”  
“Afraid of what?”  
“What if people find out about us?”  
“Then they find out.” Nick said softly. When Kevin didn’t respond, Nick took his hands in his and pulled him into a hug. “We’ll figure it out, love.” Kevin buried his face in Nick’s neck.  
As Nick rested his head against Kevin’s, his mind drifted to a far away place and time.

Nick was 15 and it was mid January of his freshman year. Nick was wetting a scratchy brown paper towel in the boys bathroom. Andrew was sitting on the counter with a bright scuff on his cheek. Andrew was 17.  
They were at a game a rival school.   
It had been a boy with red hair and beady brown eyes.  
“Faggots,” he spat in passing, under his breath.  
Andrew let go of Nick’s hand and his fists went flying in a flash. Andrew missed, the other boy didn’t. It was over quickly. Nick dragged Andrew to the bathroom to hide, before they could be suspended by an administrator.   
Nick touched the damp paper to Andrew’s cheek. Andrew flinched. Nick’s eyes stung but they didn’t water.   
“This is bullshit. Straight couples don’t get punched out at basketball games.” Nick grumbled, dabbing at Andrew’s cheek.  
Silence echoed off the tiled walls of the bathroom.  
“It shouldn’t be like this.” Nick continued cleaning the cut.  
Andrew put his hand over Nick’s.  
“We’ll figure it out.” Andrew sighed with resignation. “We’ll figure it out.” He repeated.

Nick nuzzled his head against Kevin’s, hoping that those words had offered some semblance of comfort much in the same way Andrew’s had.   
He knew it was only a matter of time before people found them out, but Kevin didn’t need to know that now.   
Nick also had 4 missed calls and a text from Andrew that said he wanted to talk, but Kevin didn’t need to know that either, and Nick didn’t want to think about it.  
For now they had the bleachers.


	8. High Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is novel in and of itself, hory shet. But really. I'm glad it's finished and I like it a lot! Finally you get Nick's backstory and a lot of character development. Hurrah. Thanks for reading <3

Time had lost all meaning.

            Nick wasn’t sure how long he’d been in this practice room. He was pretty sure it was dark outside, but he didn’t really have a concept of what time it was.

            As Nick’s fingers tripped over the arpeggios he groaned in frustration. He had been in this dumb practice room for literally hours, maybe days, just trying to get these stupid Christmas songs down. Every year, the week that winter break began, it was tradition for the jazz band to play Christmas songs in the commons at lunch the day before school let out.

            It was when Kevin popped up into the practice room to say goodbye before he headed home, that Nick had really begun having trouble. Nick had devoted his entire practice period to mastering these songs. Mr. Major had assigned them only the week before, insisting they could be learned on their own with only a few run throughs in class because, “We play the same 6 goddamn songs every year.”

            Nick had just gotten a grip on _Carol of the Bells_ and was doing a final run through just as the final bell rang in. Not long after, Kevin had popped in. Nick’s fingers sped rapidly over the keys hammering out a haunting melody. Kevin watched in awe as Nick’s boy swayed with music.

            Knowing Kevin was watching, Nick bit his lip. Shifting his foot he played louder, coming to a crescendo effortlessly. Coming to a rest, Nick turned to Kevin with a huge, stupid grin of his face.

            “Not bad, eh? What do you think?”

            Kevin clapped slowly, his mouth a tiny ‘o.’ “Who taught you to play like that?” He breathed.

            Nick’s mouth twitched and he uttered a dejected laugh. “Ah, that would be Andrew,” He shuffled his music on the piano. Suddenly he could feel his phone burning in his pocket.

            “Oh.” was all Kevin said, feeling both awkward and impressed. He couldn’t help but feel as though he had stumbled over his sister’s diary and read something he shouldn’t have. “Well,” Kevin changed the subject, “I was just on my way to go practice in the gym before they close it.”

            “Oh yeah, lacrosse tryouts are soon, huh?”

            “Yep! Do you want a ride home after?” Kevin asked.

            “Nah, I’ve got my car, and I’ll probably be here long after you leave,” Nick glared over Kevin’s shoulder, out the practice room window, and into the band room where Mr. Major was talking to a student. Kevin chuckled.

            “Okay, well then I’ll call you tonight?” Kevin said. He quickly looked over his shoulder planting a wet smooch on Nick’s cheek. “Bye-bye!” Kevin smiled at Nick over his shoulder as he left, closing the door behind him.

            After Kevin had left, Nick set to work on _O Come, O Come Emmanuel_. But every time Nick set his fingers to the cool, white keys, his head spun with images of after school practices with Andrew.

           

            Suddenly, he was 15 again, messing around on the piano in the choir room one afternoon his freshman year. Mr. Major, who he didn’t know at the time, had come in to deliver some music to Mr. Zorski, and left with Nicholas Petricca. He was thoroughly impressed with Nick’s talent and had insisted that Nick try out for jazz band in a few years, once he had some “proper training.” When Nick, an unsuspecting freshman, asked exactly what that entailed, Mr. Major led him to the band room and pointed at a blond haired boy sitting at a piano off to the side in the large open room.

            “This is Andrew, our current Jazz pianist,” Mr. Major said. “With some lessons and your talent, I think you could become as good as him, perhaps better. I’m sure Andrew would love to give you some lessons.”

            Nick didn’t say anything, but watched intently as the boy with hair the color of honey, effortlessly played a perfect virtuoso solo of Pirates of the Caribbean. As he finished, Andrew slowly raised his eyes to meet Nick’s across the room.

            Nick’s heart fluttered.

            “I think I would like that,” Nick replied.

            At first, things were awkward.

            Andrew had no previous experience teaching and Nick felt uncomfortable watching Andrew play. When he played, Nick felt like he was invading his privacy; he couldn’t help but feel he was disturbing something secret and intimate.

            After a couple of weeks, Nick got used to the feeling of sitting thigh to thigh with the older boy, alone in a practice room. Quickly, Nick and Andrew formed a bond. Their duets they played as warm ups became playful wars of sound, playfully tossing notes out, bumping into one another trying to bump the other off the piano seat.

            Soon after that it became less innocent. Nick began hearing Andrew’s crooked smile in the notes he practiced. He couldn’t get him out of his mind long enough to practice the parts he was assigned. Then Andrew began offering him rides home after practice. Instead of immediately getting out, the two talked for hours in Nick’s driveway.

            One day in mid-February, Nick had just finished a sheet of music and paused waiting for Andrew to critique him. When Andrew didn’t say anything, Nick slowly looked over at him. He couldn’t quite read the expression on Andrew’s face.

            “Andy?” He asked.

            Andrew put a hand over his on the keys.

            Nick looked from his hand back to Andrew. Suddenly Nick was very aware of heat. The heat of Andrew’s hand and thigh against his and the heat growing in his stomach and the heat in his cheeks--

            --and the heat of Andrew’s lips on his.

            For the moment, everything had been golden. It was Nick’s first kiss with anyone. Andrew’s lips were soft and full.

            But when Andrew pulled away Nick saw nothing but shame on his face. Nick loses the feeling in his jaw as dread starts to creep up his chest.

            “God, uh...” Andrew starts to form the words to apologize.

            Nick did the only thing he could think of, he kissed him back.

            Nick kissed him many times after that. And Andrew kissed him back every time.

 

            Nick bit the inside of his cheek, managing a few chords of _O Come, O Come Emmanuel_ , before his phone would burn in his thigh and his memories begged to drag him back under.

            Nick pulled out his phone for the umpteenth time and scrolled through Andrew’s messages.

[October 24th, 8:13 am] _i think we should talk about last night._

[October 30th, 4:23 pm] _are you okay? worried. call me back._

[November 14th, 2:03 am] _i still want to if you still want to._

           

            Nick had cut things off just before Andrew graduated. Nick was only a sophomore. The night before graduation, Nick was in Andrew’s bed. While he slept, Nick stirred restlessly. He didn’t want to be here 3 months from now saying goodbye when summer was over. It had been a point of contention in their relationship since the beginning.

            Andrew was heartbroken, but he agreed. They lost contact that summer.

            The weekend of fall break, Andrew called Nick from the train. “Hey, I’m coming home this weekend.”

            “Yeah?” Nick felt a familiar but uneasy flutter in his chest. He **_definitely_** liked Kevin. But the idea of reuniting with Andrew was appealing.

            “Do you wanna maybe pick me up from the train and get some dinner? We can catch up. Uh, I mean, if you’d like that. Not as a date or anything, I mean...Just. Catch up.” Andrew rambled. Nick laughed and agreed on the condition that he come to the party with him afterward.

            For their not-date, everything was perfectly amicable, even if slightly awkward. Nick picked Andrew up from the train station in his station wagon and they went for a late dinner at IHOP.

            Nick filled Andrew in on his accomplishments in Jazz band as his first year as the pianist. Andrew beamed with pride. After Andrew regaled him with a few tales of college, they headed to the party.

            Things quickly fishtailed from there. First there was the game of spin the bottle, a complete disaster. Nick kissed Andrew to spite Kevin, but the taste he would once do anything for, he couldn’t wait to get out of his mouth.

            Nick found himself sobbing on the back porch of a strangers house, but no tears came. He could hardly look Kevin in the eye when he left with Andrew. Nick was numb, begging to feel anything and nothing.

            Nick took Andrew back to his house and up to his room. Andrew had insisted on coming to make sure he was alright. Nick flopped on his bed in the dark, not bothering to turn on a light. Lying on his back with his legs hanging over the edge, Nick didn’t say anything. Andrew lay down next to Nick. Nick’s throat clenched and his eyes began to sting. Nick watched the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling turn blurry.

            He rolled over forcing his mouth against Andrew’s in a sloppy kiss. But it didn’t feel the same as when he was 15.

            Andrew pushed him away and stood abruptly with his back to Nick. For a minute he just stood there. Nick blubbered apologies.

            “When you figure out what you want, let me know.” Andrew left.

 

            With a shaky hand, Nick dialed Andrew’s number.

            “Hey, this is Andrew; I’m not here right now. Leave a message. Bye!”

            _Beep._

            “Hey, Andy. I, uh, I’m sorry I didn’t call until now...But, I know what I want now and I’m sorry. There’s someone else.” Nick drew a deep break and continued to talk to the air, “You deserve better than what you got. Please don’t think any of this was easy, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Nick paused. “I’m really sorry.”

            Nick hung up the phone and gathered his things. He walked out of that practice room unable to shake feeling that he’d just had a weight lifted from his shoulders he wasn’t aware he’s been carrying for a long time.

            Nick went home and took a shower, washing the day from his mind and body. He went to his room and he called his boyfriend.

            He made the right decision.


	9. Haters Gonna Hate; Players Gonna Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin has a moral dilema.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i actually had a dream about this chapter, that one of my readers wouldn't let me post is because they were not emotionally prepared. they made me wait a whole day and it was very stressful. but unlike that dream lo and behold i am posting this now.

The last leg of fall and the first half of winter passed without incident. Kevin didn’t know life could be this good. Nick was completely and perfectly enamoured with his boyfriend.  
Kevin learned in that time period that coming out wasn’t linear. A few of their friends knew, like Sean and Eli. His parents didn’t (yet) and he prayed to the universe that his lacrosse team never did, with the exception of Tyler and Josh.  
Thankfully tryouts would be over within a week or so. That knowledge, however, did little to comfort him. Coach Troye had been working them harder than he ever had. He was especially hard on Tyler and Josh. It had been all that they could do to keep up, but keep up they did. They were the backbone of the team, after all.  
Tyler was their unstoppable goalie. It was a miracle in and of itself to get a ball past him. And Josh...Josh was a powerful runner. Everything about him was quick, his reactions were always perfectly in time and he checked like lightning. He was Kevin’s favorite person to run drills with. Together he and Tyler made an unstoppable team, on and off the court.  
But as much as Kevin admired them, it took everything in him to keep up with their furious pace. And with Coach on their back, each day was more draining than the last. Kevin couldn’t wait for it to be over.

Early Monday morning the dream team arrived in the gym for the grand reveal.  
Eagerly Kevin pushed forward to see who had made the junior varsity team. Quickly his eyes landed on his own name, second from the top. Others around him tried to shove him out of the way, but Kevin resisted, frantically scanning for Tyler and Josh’s names.  
“Dude your name is right there, now move! I can’t see!” someone grumbled.  
Kevin’s green eyes searched the paper erratically, but he came up empty handed. They hadn’t made the team. It didn’t make sense, Tyler and Josh were even better than he was, and Kevin was one of their star players.  
As the sea of teenaged boys ebbed, Ty and Josh walked up to Kevin expectantly.  
“So?” Josh asked with a wide grin.  
Kevin sighed and opened his mouth to speak, when a strong hand clamped down on his shoulder. It was Coach Troye.  
“So what do you think about that line up, Ray? Looks like a team of winners, eh?” Coach asked rhetorically. Kevin’s mouth began swimming with spit, like it does when you’re about to throw up. He felt like he was going to throw up. Instead, he nodded weakly. “Atta boy, see you this afternoon.” Coach Troye slapped him hard on the back, giving Tyler and Josh a nod laden with obligation, before walking away.  
Wearily Kevin looked to Tyler and Josh and sighed, “Guys, there’s something I need to tell you.”

 

When Kevin got in Nick’s car after practice that afternoon, he looked grim and green. Nick greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and pulled away suspiciously, suspecting malaise. “Are you alright? You don’t look too good.” Nick said placing the back of his hand on Kevin’s forehead.  
Kevin swatted Nick’s hand away irritably but didn’t say anything.  
“Hey! I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on, Kev.” Nick countered.  
Finally, Kevin sighed, “Josh didn’t make the team.” Nick frowned and opened his mouth to reply, when Kevin continued, “And neither did Tyler.”  
Nick’s face softened, “Aw, Kev, I’m so sorry to hear that...”  
“They were the only ones who didn’t make it.” Kevin said bitterly.  
“Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. I thought they were the star players?” Nick said. Kevin nodded. “They are. But they’re also dating...” Kevin trailed off, he didn’t have to say anything else. Nick’s eyes widened as he put the pieces together.  
“No, you don’t think he...” Kevin nodded again.  
The two seethed in silence before Nick spoke up. “You have to do something. Talk to Coach or something.”  
“Genius! What a great idea!” Kevin exclaimed sarcastically.  
“I’m serious,” Nick said.  
“I already tried to talk to him at practice today. When I asked him, he just straight up said ‘The last thing we need is a couple’a faggots on this team.’”  
“Well you can’t just let this slide!”  
“What is there that I could do that could possibly change Coaches mind? As far as he’s concerned it’s set in stone.” Kevin grumbled.  
Pulling into Kevin’s driveway, Nick resigned the conversation. “Look, I can’t stay and chat, I’ve got to study for a test in AP music theory, but, please tell me you’ll give it some more thought?” Nick squeezed Kevin’s hand under the dashboard and smiled at his boyfriend. Kevin hesitated before finally breaking out into a goofy smile. Nobody else had him down like Nick. Before he got out of the car, Nick gave him one last thought, “Hey Kev?”  
“Yeah?” Kevin poked his head through the passenger door.  
“If you want things to change, it’s up to you.” Nick said seriously, then smiling, in his best Yoda impression, “Do or do not, there is not try.”  
Kevin laughed and bit his lip. “You’re such a dork.” He closed the door, waving to Nick from his driveway as he drove away.

That evening, Kevin spent hours racking his brain what to do. He chucked the lacrosse ball at the side of the garage again and again. It soon became so reflexive he didn’t remember catching the ball in the net of his stick. He heard only the smack of the ball on brick and the echo of Nick’s words.  
Mentally he bounced his ideas off of the wall. He could go to administration, their principal, Mr. Finch, was a good, forward thinking guy. Kevin flung the ball against the wall again. But hearsay wouldn’t be enough. It would get Coach Troye suspended for a few weeks, and it might even get Ty and Josh their spots on the team back. But what good would that do with Troye on their backs?  
Kevin caught the ball with his hand.  
He knew what he had to do.  
If he was going to get Coach Troye gone for good, he would have to catch him in the act.  
Eagerly Kevin ran inside and dialed his boyfriend’s number.  
“Nick? I have a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its up 2 u


End file.
